principal.

School is retarded. Honestly, I'm pretty sure if it had a brain, it would be like it didn't. That doesn't make sense. But if you slightly understand, you know what I'm talking about. Like, my principal says he always understands, when really? He doesnt. At all. It pisses me off.

the stars, they're more dead than alive.

It's been a long time...

I'm scared of myself. That sentence alone is unhealthy. I've been feeling cold lately. No, it's not the weather. I know that much. It's me. My thoughts, my actions, my everything. Maybe it's the lack of God in my life.. I'm not totally sure.

I've been pushing everyone away lately. The people that say they care for me, or they love me. I push away, automatically. I start fights with those who tell me such things. I think it's because everyone is the past that has said that, they leave me. So when the new people saying it, when they leave, I won't be that hurt. I mean, I'm kind of getting used to it now.

I feel like I'm falling back into the ways I used to be.. Back then. That's why I'm scared of myself. I know what I'm capable of. What I can do. What I don't want to do... I'm already breaking myself down.
I need someone, something. To help me.

I wish money grew on trees. Then I could pay off this library bill and continue reading books that have been helping me. Then I could also buy a new zune and have the music that helps me everywhere I go.

I want to be happy again... Maybe I should go back on anti-depressents. Or go back to God. The second one would probably be better.

oh the joy of the coldness.

So the other day, I was talking about depression. I don't think I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure I was just pmsing. That's the only real explantion. Cause since that day, I've been pretty happy.
I mean, not over the top, jumping for joy type of happiness. But the type of happiness that just makes the world seem good, no matter what...

the moon was missing lastnight.. but on the brightside, i really think music is my life. well, part of it.

I'm getting impatient with myself.
I'm trying to figure out who I am. But it's not really working.
I can't even figure out what I like doing. Or which lifestyle I perfer more.
Maybe neither of them is actually me... You know?
Or maybe its a little of both of them. I'm not quite sure. And that's the part thats bugging me. The fact that I have no idea of which person I am. Of who I am.
Maybe I don't want to know who I am. Maybe that's just the mystery of life. That you never truly findout who you are. I don't know. Maybe I'm just randomly thinking of all of this for no reason at all. Who knows.. Cause apparently I don't.

I kind of think I might be going back to where I used to be. And by that, I mean depressed. But I don't really know. Some days, I feel the same as I did then. Other days, I feel great. Maybe its just than random weather disorder. I hope I'm not going back into depression. That would suck.

I can't wait to see my sisters :)

blue flamingo

I think it's funny, how this is my blog. And then my "dad" writes me telling me I can't slam his girlfriend.. I can do whatever I want.

Jeez.


I miss leprechaun.. Alot.

the moon lights my path at night

So it's been awhile, again.

I'm single now. Have been for a few weeks. But guys are still very attractive to me. Although it seems that I'm unattractive to them. Oh well, they don't know what they're missing out on.

School is going alright. Borning, uneventful, the usual.

My family is dumb still. I get to see my sisters in about two weeks. I'm pretty stoked on that. I havent seen them for about four months now. My father and his girlfriend are quiet annoying though. Well, mainly her. I think I called her Godzilla On Crack. The name still suits her.

I've come to the conclusion that I think I miss being with God. I mean, I don't know forsure. But the other day, I missed it alot.

Maybe it's a sign.

hostage

It's been awhile. Things have been going pretty good.
I've been hanging out with some rad people. Making some good friends.

I know I said I should take things slower with boys.
But now I'm dating a fellow named Sean. I think things will work out with him.
I mean, I hope.

I miss my mom. It's lame.

I got a job! Haha, I'm not an employer at Wendys. YAY! Totally kidding. I don't want the job.
At all.

My cousin stole me from my boyfriend today.
I miss him.